When Love Hurts: Clarity, Boundaries & Healing

Courses in this academy

Academy lesson outline

1. Welcome, Safety First: How to Use This Course (and What to Do If You're in Danger Right Now) · 14 min
2. Conflict Is Not Abuse: The Most Important Distinction You'll Learn · 15 min
3. A Quick Tour of the Terms: Narcissism, Gaslighting, Stonewalling, DARVO, Coercive Control · 14 min
4. Why We Don't Diagnose: Patterns of Behavior vs. Clinical Labels · 14 min
5. The Faith Lens: What God Actually Says About Safety, Submission, and Suffering · 15 min
6. The Power-and-Control Pattern: A Map for What You're Experiencing · 15 min
7. Two Chairs: Understanding Both the One Who Harms and the One Who's Harmed · 14 min
8. The Fog: Why Smart, Strong People Get Trapped and Doubt Themselves · 15 min
9. Your Reality Is Valid: Beginning to Trust Yourself Again · 14 min
10. Module 1 Review: Naming It Clearly Before You Can Change It · 15 min
11. The Narcissism Spectrum: From Healthy Self-Worth to Harmful Entitlement · 15 min
12. The Engine Underneath: Entitlement, Fragile Ego, and Missing Empathy · 15 min
13. The Grandiose Type: Loud, Charming, and Always Right · 14 min
14. The Covert Type: The Wounded "Victim" Who Controls Through Guilt · 14 min
15. The Communal "Saint": When the Manipulator Looks Like the Most Godly Person in the Room · 15 min
16. Where It Comes From (and Why That Doesn't Make You Responsible for It) · 15 min
17. Can a Narcissistic Person Change? An Honest Answer · 15 min
18. The Mask and the Face: Public Charm vs. Private Cruelty · 14 min
19. What It Feels Like to Love Someone Like This · 14 min
20. Module 2 Review: Seeing the Pattern, Not Just the Person · 15 min
21. Gaslighting Defined: How Someone Makes You Doubt Your Own Mind · 15 min
22. The Classic Lines: "That Never Happened," "You're Too Sensitive," "You're Imagining It" · 14 min
23. DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender · 15 min
24. Projection: When They Accuse You of Exactly What They're Doing · 14 min
25. Word Salad and Circular Arguments: Why You Can Never "Win" · 15 min
26. Spiritual Gaslighting: When Scripture Becomes a Weapon · 15 min
27. The Reality Log: A Simple Tool to Anchor the Truth · 14 min
28. Trusting Your Gut Again: Rebuilding Internal Authority · 14 min
29. What to Say (and What Not to Say) in the Moment · 15 min
30. Module 3 Review: Holding On to What's Real · 15 min
31. The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling · 15 min
32. Flooding vs. Punishment: Why People Shut Down (and When It's a Weapon) · 15 min
33. The Silent Treatment as Control: Punishment Disguised as "Needing Space" · 15 min
34. The Healthy Time-Out: What a Regulated Pause Actually Looks Like · 14 min
35. What Stonewalling Does to the Person on the Other Side of the Wall · 14 min
36. Contempt: The Single Biggest Predictor of a Dying Marriage · 15 min
37. Responding Without Chasing: Holding Your Ground at the Wall · 14 min
38. When Withdrawal Is Abuse and When It Isn't · 15 min
39. Self-Soothing While You Wait: Staying Regulated When They Won't Engage · 14 min
40. Module 4 Review: Walls, Doors, and the Difference · 15 min
41. Love-Bombing: When "Too Good to Be True" Is a Warning, Not a Blessing · 15 min
42. Devaluation: The Slow Erosion of Your Worth · 15 min
43. Discard and Hoover: Thrown Away, Then Pulled Back In · 14 min
44. Trauma Bonding: Why You Feel Most Attached to the One Who Hurts You · 15 min
45. Intermittent Reinforcement: The Cruel Math That Keeps You Hooked · 14 min
46. Coercive Control: The Cage You Can't Always See · 15 min
47. Financial Abuse: Control Through Money (and the Nigerian Realities) · 15 min
48. Spiritual Abuse: Control in God's Name · 15 min
49. Why "Just Leave" Is Never That Simple · 15 min
50. Module 5 Review: Seeing the Whole Cycle · 15 min
51. You Are Not the Problem: Releasing the Blame You've Carried · 15 min
52. Boundaries 101: What They Are, What They're Not, and Why They're Biblical · 15 min
53. Setting a Boundary That Holds (and Surviving the Backlash) · 15 min
54. Gray Rock and Other Responses: Reducing Your Emotional Footprint · 14 min
55. Rebuilding Self-Trust After Years of Doubt · 14 min
56. Your Support System: Breaking Isolation Safely · 15 min
57. Documenting and Protecting Yourself · 14 min
58. What You Can Control and What You Can't (Letting Go of the Fix) · 15 min
59. Caring for Your Body and Mind Under Chronic Stress · 14 min
60. Module 6 Review: Standing on Solid Ground · 15 min
61. Who This Module Is For (and Who It Isn't): An Honest Beginning · 15 min
62. The Mirror: Facing What You've Done Without Flinching · 15 min
63. Real Remorse vs. the Performance of Sorry · 14 min
64. Owning It Fully: The End of Excuses, Blame, and "But" · 14 min
65. Why You Do It: Understanding Your Patterns Without Excusing Them · 15 min
66. Empathy: Learning to Feel What You've Caused · 15 min
67. Changing the Behavior: The Daily Work of New Patterns · 14 min
68. Making Amends Without Demanding Forgiveness · 15 min
69. The Long Road: Sustained Change and Staying Accountable · 14 min
70. Module 7 Review: The Measure of Real Change · 15 min
71. This Is Your Decision: How This Module Works · 15 min
72. Safety First: Assessing Danger Honestly · 15 min
73. Making a Safety Plan · 15 min
74. Is Change Real? Applying the Measure to Your Situation · 14 min
75. The Case for Staying — and What Has to Be True for It · 14 min
76. Separation: What It Is, What It's For, and How It Can Help · 15 min
77. Leaving: When, Why, and the Hard Practicalities · 15 min
78. Faith and the Decision: What God Does and Doesn't Ask of You · 15 min
79. Children: Their Safety, Their Wellbeing, and Hard Realities · 14 min
80. Module 8 Review: Deciding with Wisdom, Safety, and Peace · 15 min
81. Before You Begin: The Conditions for Repair · 15 min
82. Rebuilding Trust: How It Actually Works · 15 min
83. The Pace of Repair: Letting the Hurt Party Set the Speed · 14 min
84. Honest Conversations: Talking About What Happened · 15 min
85. Forgiveness: What It Is, What It Isn't, and Whose It Is · 14 min
86. New Patterns: Building a Different Way of Relating · 15 min
87. Healthy Conflict: Disagreeing Without Harm · 14 min
88. Intimacy and Reconnection (Rebuilt Carefully) · 15 min
89. When Repair Fails: Recognizing It and Responding · 14 min
90. Module 9 Review: Real Repair on a Real Foundation · 15 min
91. Healing Is a Journey: What to Expect · 15 min
92. Understanding Trauma and Its Effects (and That You're Not Broken) · 15 min
93. Grieving What Was Lost · 14 min
94. Rebuilding Identity: Rediscovering Who You Are · 14 min
95. Boundaries for Life: Your Ongoing Protection · 15 min
96. Breaking the Cycle: Patterns, Children, and the Future · 15 min
97. Healthy Relationships: Knowing Safe Love When You See It · 14 min
98. Faith, Hope, and Meaning After Harm · 14 min
99. Helping Others and Recognizing the Signs · 15 min
100. Your Story Continues: A Whole Life Ahead · 15 min

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